Filipina in America · Online Dating

Starting Over Again: Online Dating

“We are put on this planet only once, and to limit ourselves to the familiar is a crime against our minds.” -Roger Ebert

 A lot of people are imprisoned by their limiting beliefs.

Take the case of online dating. There’s still so much stigma and raised eyebrows. Some still  think it’s a desperate effort to find a date or partner.

I think differently. I saw online dating just like any other opportunity made possible by technology. The internet has changed the way we shop, order food and send money. It has also changed dating.  

When I started online dating, it was not really to find a relationship -let alone marriage. It was a way  to expand my network  – I didn’t want to be confined to my  small circle of friends. I had a goal – I came to America to explore career options.

And then I started having fun. I learned what men want to talk about (and no- its not sex). Men want to talk about themselves. I also realized that a lot of men are really looking for serious relationships.

When I tell people that I met my husband, Dave, online- I get mixed  reactions. Mostly, surprise and curiosity. I also get asked-  

Why did you do it? Were you scared? 

Ultimately,  it’s about control. I wanted to be more proactive in meeting  people instead of  leaving  things to some random chance.

Online dating,  just like anything in life has risks and must be approached with an open mind, but cautiously. It has advantages and  can be safe if you know how. Make no mistake, online dating scams are real.

4 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD CONSIDER ONLINE DATING

  1. You can screen potential dates minus the awkwardness of person to person meet up. If you don’t like them—it’s easy to drop them and block them. That’s easier than getting rid of someone you’ve met in person.
  2. It is efficient. You can specify exactly what you are looking for in terms of – age, race, faith, even height. You want blue eyes? You feel more comfortable with the height of not less than 5’10? You can specify those details. How cool is that?
  3. You can define your relationship goals. It is important to ask yourself- what are you looking for? Casual dating? Serious relationship? Marriage? Or maybe just friendship. These things can be specified on the site, too.
  4. It is fun! You get to meet men from all over the world without leaving the comfort and security of your home. 

I approached online dating in a very academic way. I read and researched – and made an excel sheet!  (I know that sounds weird- but that’s me.)

I made a scorecard of these men, based on what I was looking for. I wanted to make sure that I was making educated and calculated choice.

These are the factors I considered in order of importance.

  1. Faith
  2. Adaptability to my culture
  3. Financial stability
  4. Humor 
  5. Looks 

If you think only desperate losers go online dating- think again.

I met really interesting men. There was a Dutch banker. A British engineer who was also an actor for medieval movies. There was a German CEO who is a celebrity in his industry. (There is even  a report of him by Forbes.) Who would think that men of this profile go online dating?

After my first meeting with Dave, my friends invited him  to a couples dinner and  several  more group dates.  I wanted my friends’ collective opinion. I had to make sure I was not too optimistic about him. And then I met his boss/friend. I wanted to know people he hangs out with. Birds of the same feather – are of the same breed!

So that’s my online dating story. I realize I could have ended in London or Amsterdam.

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. These days, it’s called online dating.

Dave insisted I say this…online dating is like playing the lottery- if you don’t play you’ll never win. He thinks I won the mega lotto.

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